Balance

To say I’m excited about what I’m going to write is an understatement. Balance was a foreign concept to me for as long as I can remember. I wanted nothing to do with it. Ever hear that everything you do is okay as long as you do it in moderation? That seemed boring to me and I craved the opposite. I craved intensity and I also dismissed areas of my life that needed more attention. Before I go any further, I’d like to set the scene and add a bit of symbolism. Ever look up and see a bird just gliding in mid-air? That’s what we want to accomplish with our minds and life. When birds glide, they’re relaxed (so it seems) and they’re being carried. Sure there’s a time to turn up but they’re not spending their whole lives exerting energy. 

A more relatable example of this is bike riding. For the bike riders out there, do you remember how it felt starting out? The only reason the bike (mind) couldn’t function properly was because we couldn’t control our balance on it. It was challenging and scary to say the least but we all had faith that we could do it and we didn’t stop until we got it right because we would do whatever it took to ride that thing. It looked too fun to give up. At first, we got up for a second or two, and then we were up for five, and then by the time we knew it we were gliding for eternity. It began to become instinctual. No further practice was required because our minds and body were in alignment with how the bike worked. Why wasn’t it working in the first place? Because we were reacting. We didn’t trust it could just happen if we relaxed, so we fought for balance and we got scrapes all over our bodies. It was our reaction to the experience that disabled us from riding. How did we gain that balance? We relaxed, trusted and stopped reacting and vuelá, the rest was history. When we are out of balance we can feel it and if you are unaware of whether you are balanced or not, reflect on aspects of your life and reflect upon the pace at which you function. Are you rushing? Are you gliding? How’s your mental state? Do you feel like you’re in control? If you’re in control it’s because you’re not reacting. You’re bike riding. If you’re not in control you’re fighting to be in control. How’s your physical health? How’s your social life? Love life? Career? 

Sadly, for those of us who undergo and underwent harsh mental distress, it feels like many parts of our lives have atrophied or never developed in the first place. We can’t even care or fathom this stuff. 

Believe me, caring and finding balance didn’t just happen to me. Sure thing it can happen to you overnight, anything is possible. Actually, this happened to me once, when I abruptly got sober after being addicted to drugs and alcohol for 15 years (hello pink cloud). I woke up one day after about a month of withdrawal and I was reborn. I was a new, shiny bike and I thought I could drink again and before I knew it I lost my balance and I was right back where I started…

First things first, ask yourself if you feel balanced. Do you feel like you’re gliding? If not, great, now you know. You may not believe me now but this is a massive need that needs to be fulfilled and it all starts with your mind. If you have anxiety and you can’t stop thinking about the same fucking thing every second of the fucking day because you’re caught in a loop, that’s a very big sign that the mind is not balanced. If you’re depressed and you want to die and you don’t care to do anything but lay in your bed and self-loathe, that is a sign that the mind is unbalanced. Notice how I say “the mind” and not “your mind.” But what if you have identity issues and you’re trying to find out who you are in the first place? Does referring to “the mind” startle you because you can’t find yourself in the first place? Also, if you're unbalanced, don’t freak out, just accept it. Acceptance subsides, and reacting multiplies. 

The reason I say “the mind” instead of “your mind” is because it is the proper way to refer to it because it isn’t ours. It doesn’t belong to us. The longer you think it’s “your mind,” the longer you will be trapped in the cage, so start referring to it as the mind. This is a healthy practice and in doing so, it has the ability to loosen its grip. 

When our mind is balanced and we stop reacting to thoughts, feelings and identity, then you will find out who you truly are, you will know what’s right and wrong for you, you will know what you like and dislike, and you will honor your biological impulses that mean “yes” and “no” and so much more. Balance the mind and the rest is taken care of. 

So how do we balance this thing!? The practice of Vipassana meditation is the best thing I know of and I’ve tried many things. Vipassana is so much more then just this, but a big part of the practice and measuring stick of your progress is your development in awareness and equanimity (balance of mind.) Awareness and equanimity are not only tools for bettering yourself, they’re also qualities that can reap peace and love and much more. If you’re willing to sit your ass down and meditate you will be rewarded. Awareness and equanimity are like two wings of a bird, they must be in equal strength and size to work properly as our teacher Goenkaji says. Why do they have to be of equal size and strength? Balance! This is what alignment is. I believe these are the two things we are capable of controlling and when they are developed and aligned, balance occurs and all falls into place; Our purpose, our true selves, and our destiny. This is the proper use of our will. When we are out of balance, we are lost.  

The good news is that there is help out there. Besides how did you expect to learn in the first place? Were you born riding a bike? I was. Syke…

If your parents taught you emotional and mental balance, great. It’s a blessing and you will know how to get back on that bike when shit hits the fan hopefully. If you weren’t taught these skills, it’s also a blessing because being self-taught at something is true mastery because if you can get up on that bike and cruise, having been lopsided your whole life, well, shit, you got some skills. Not only do you have skills, you have mastery over yourself and that means you now know how to soar. 

I’m not telling you to just jump into Vipassana. Vipassana isn’t for everyone and it really depends on where you’re at on your journey. The retreats make you meditate for 10 hours a day for 10 days straight, you can’t talk and you get two meals a day. Even healthy minds will tell you it’s a massive challenge. If you have C-PTSD or mental health issues, I would say halt your horses until you really feel ready to take on something like that. In some ways, you can never be ready for Vipassana…

Until then, begin to be aware, seek help, and talk about this. Are you giving something too much attention? Is something literally taking over your life? Maybe a sign. You have to take a step. It can be any step. You know the end goal is balance. Now figure out how you’re going to do it. If you have no clue, find help and ask. Asking for help is not easy, but check it out…that can be your first step towards balance, can’t it? I never asked for help because I wanted to figure it out myself and I wanted to be self-reliant. This stubbornness nearly killed me but it also saved me. Everything can be a double-edged sword. 

So many resources are available (I will be listing some soon). Some are for free, some aren’t. Choose to want to get better. That is the first thing you can do to offer your own self-help. Also, people love helping people so let them help. Get after it and if you don’t want to ask a human for help ask Google or Chatgpt! (Anything to avoid a person-I get it)

Much love, peace and balance!

Alex